Yeah, I see that mindset sometimes and it weirds me out. It’s like when you’re a teenager and anything in a book or movie that’s odd has to be explained by “Wow, they must have done so many drugs!” If you take the time to get inside your head and examine yourself and the Universe, you’ll realize the drugs are often unnecessary. All your potential “hideas” are there waiting patiently for your sober brain… it’s a matter of training yourself to think around those corners without need for the crutch of the drug. And besides, whatever you experience on the drug, it’s not the drug itself giving you those thoughts and feelings, it’s your brain chemistry being temporarily changed due to exposure to the drug. It’s still all in you; it’s just a matter of whether you can do it yourself, or whether you want/need the shortcut. Drugs are an effective magic feather sometimes, but it’s still all in your ears.
I have opinions on this because, even if I’ve never been a real drug addict. I smoked a shitton of weed in my mid-20’s to early-30’s, but I was never a crackhead. I was a childhood epileptic, and gods know what else you’d call all the brain damage I suffered from (long story) being born dead. I used to trip like fucking mad, no drugs required, from grade school up through puberty. I would lay in bed when I was 12, seeing geometric patterns and hearing what I thought of as the sound of the Universe in my head, having out of body experiences, vivid and accurate psychic dreams (like the next day’s homework assignments); my senses of time and size would distort wildly, I’d experience other things I can only vaguely recall now and could never put into words. Growing up, my brain was on fire, and if adult me is a little different, it’s because child me learned without any choice in the matter how feeble and subjective our sense of reality can be.
But as I got older, I realized I’d learned another important lesson from those experiences–every dark corner of your brain is open to you. You are the programmer of your own computer. Each and every one of us is the godhead, the buddha, the Universe made flesh, and hard as it can be to remember when life is bearing down on your ass… it is quite possible to control just about anything going on in your body, including your brain. There are monks who have trained to regulate their own body temperatures, for christ’s sake. So anything you want your brain to do, any place in your mind you want to go… it’s open to you. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, and speaking as someone given often to hedonism it can take a metric fuckton of discipline and time I frankly don’t like having to invest when I could be doing other things, but it can be done. And you don’t even need the drug… I eventually found weed was just getting in my way. I’d rather just be the fucking drug, to borrow from Salvador Dali.
Also, it’s been a long goddamn time since I last posted here, but I’ve moved, found new work, and seem to be waking back up to the path I was on a few years back, after having to put those studies aside so I could work on my long-term mental health a while.